Now that the 219th General Assembly is over, I (like a lot of others) am trying to figure out what happened, what I think about what happened, and what I should do next. One thing is crystal clear to me: I am sick and tired of being afraid.
I am tired of being afraid that I don't have a place. Christ bought my invitation to this party with His blood. No one's going to tell me I don't belong here.
I am tired of being afraid of losing votes. No matter what the decisions that come out of General Assembly, this is where I was planted. This is where I will bloom-- as a minority voice of dissent, or as a gentle voice in the middle, I will speak whether or not I am heard, whether or not my views prevail.
I am tired of being afraid of the fearmongers. Fear seems to be a great opener of wallets on all sides; it is a great form of discipline to keep people in line; it works well as a motivator for the next line of gladiators. But John tells me that "there is no fear in love;" fear is the opposite of what we are to live out of and what we are to give to the world. In Christ, I can love anyone without condoning their actions. There is too much fear in those with whom I agree. We seem to have lost our faith in the God who writes history.
I am tired of being afraid of what God is going to do next. Whether it was the vote to send a revision of G-6.106b to the presbyteries again, or the vote to defer the vote on changing the definition of marriage, I found myself strangely at peace. I trust God for what will happen, and for where I/we will go. I don't have to know, I don't have to understand. Wherever God's plan leads us, I will go without being afraid, and I will testify to the Truth (as I understand it) in Love the whole way.